Yesterday was Sage Marie's 5th birthday. I'm simply amazed by how quickly time has flown by. It seems like just yesterday that she was barely big enough to fit into a newborn onesie and in September she'll be headed to Kindergarten in her blue RPCS jumper. She's an outstanding little person. She lights up the room wherever she goes. She's smart, kind (most of the time), talented, and witty. I know God has big things planned for her life.
Six years ago, you couldn't have convinced me that I was ready to be someone's mother because I wasn't. I was a wild child. I was an out of control college student who lived to party. I selfishly indulged in whatever I fancied at the moment. I was definitely living in the fast lane. I think God decided I needed to s l o w d o w n. Cue theme music for "Teen Mom." Ok, so I wasn't a teenager, but 21 is close enough...
When I found out I was pregnant, however, I didn't initially freak out. I was a senior in college, just months away from getting my degree. I knew I was capable of being a good mother because of the example I had in my own parents, particularly my mom. Then I began to disclose my pregnancy to those closest to me. Some expressed total elation, offering suggestions for my little one's name. Others asked if I needed a ride to the clinic and a hand to hold through an abortion. That's when doubt and fear began to creep in.
I sat on the floor of my dorm room one afternoon balling my eyes out when the phone rang. I'm forever grateful for a very dear friend who provided me the words of comfort and encouragement I needed during that challenging time in my life. She reminded me that God doesn't make mistakes and that His timing is never anything but perfect. When we said our goodbyes, I was once again at peace with the decision I had made.
Fast forward to June 2008. There I was with the most beautiful creature I'd ever laid eyes on. And she belonged to me. I was somebody's mama. Don't get me wrong...the road isn't always easy. There have been moments when I wanted to give up....days I didn't even want to get up. But God. He is indeed the ultimate caretaker and supplier of needs.
As I prepared to celebrate this milestone in our lives, I began to think about all the sacrifices I've made for Sage. I'm not complaining because that's what being a parent is all about. I think I've made a lot of choices that other people probably wouldn't have....choices guided by what was in my heart. In the end, it has been beneficial for both of us. She's gotten the best parts of me and I'm living my life according to my own standards of happiness and success. In the next few months, I'll be embarking on a new journey. I'm sure some eyebrows will raise and some eyes will roll, but I'm confident that following my heart will set me up for the win every time. You should follow suit.
Good luck, Sage!
